Not all conflict is equal. There are three different kinds of conflict. Task. Values. And Relationship.
Task conflict is when people disagree about how to get something done, who’s responsible or even how to define the goal or task. Values conflict is a clash of identity or beliefs. Religious and social values fall into this category. When there is a values conflict, progress doesn’t occur unless someone changes their mind so that some kind of common ground or compromise can be reached. This is rare. I’ve learned over the years that people rarely negotiate their closely held values. Many protracted church conflicts are actually a disagreement in values that are disguised as a task conflict. Relationship conflict occurs when there is tension or animosity that goes deeper than just disagreements about tasks or values. In this case there is a lack of self differentiation in one or both parties. Relationship conflict is characterized by the lack of taking responsibility for self. This includes blaming the other for one’s condition, defensiveness, resentment, and other forms of unhelpful behavior. When there is no relationship conflict, the other two types of conflict can be handled. Both parties are able to say what they believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. The problem with relationship conflict is it makes task and values conflicts harder to handle. When there is a relationship conflict people confuse the different kinds of conflict. Task and values disagreements are taken personally and can result in deepening conflict and even emotional cutoff. What’s important about distinguishing between the different types of conflict is being able to understand how to best manage the situation. When there is a task conflict, focus on the problem, encourage input from everyone, and seek multiple solutions until you arrive at a course of action. When there is a values conflict, avoid trying to change the other’s mind. Focus on listening to truly understand the other person. Agree to disagree and to take things slowly to find any potential common ground. And when there is a relationship conflict, acknowledge it and own it. Take responsibility for your part of the situation and listen emphatically to the other person. More importantly, understand that unless you resolve the conflict in the relationship, it’s unlikely that you’ll effectively address any task or values disagreements. It’s not ideal, but at least you won’t be wasting your time and energy. Comments are closed.
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lessons
April 2024
New lessons are posted on Mondays.
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